Unfulfilled Dreams, Former Childstars, and the Life and Death of Gary Coleman

Like many people across the country, I was saddened to learn of the passing of Gary Coleman on Friday. Like many, I have fond memories of coming home from school, sitting down with my elementary school friends, and watching Different Strokes. Arnold's ultimate-famous one-liner, "Whachu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" along with his furrowed eyebrows and stuck-out bottom lip always made me laugh. It was also arguably one of the reasons Coleman never found another signature role.

Let me be clear: I have no knowledge of dwarfism. TLC's "Little People, Big World" is pretty much the extent of my awareness on the subject and prior to it, I had no real idea of it at all.
From what I have learned of success, it doesn't come to those who aren't willing to beat challenging odds and stick it out with perseverance that doesn't recognize failure. It can be a challenging process for people who have their height and weight intact. I cannot imagine the difficulty that is added when one is born different in a world that is still not designed to appreciate difference.

Coleman, like many child stars, grew up with his cute catchphrase forming his identity. Ricky Schroeder, Chachi (a.k.a. Scott Baio), and Jaleel "Urkel" White, have all shared the experience of having their dreams (or their parents' dreams) realized early in life and then struggling to find identity outside of those cute catchphrases. Even the successful returns of the Jason Batemans and Elijah Woods will reveal that they had to overcome greater odds than other aspiring actors because of their typecasts.

Except that, unlike Scott Baio, Jaleel White, Jason Bateman, and Elijah, Gary Coleman didn't realy seem all the interested in acting again. Coleman, instead, began to fade from the spotlight and always seemed to return as some kind of pitied joke. In the early 1990s, it was suing his parents for allegedly stealing his cash. Throughout the 2000s, it was through tabloid fodder of cursing out paparazzi, flipping off mall visitors where he worked as a mall cop, and getting into marital disputes that sometimes turned violent.

Which leads us to wonder, What the heck happened to Gary Coleman? Why was he so angry at the industry that had fed him for so long? Why was he so angry at all?

I didn't know Gary. Perhaps in private he was as happy as a lark. Maybe the angry post-childstar was just giving us a performance, a schtick. But, I don't think it takes Dr. Drew to recognize that this man was just plain sad.

How many people do we know that seem to have everything in their favor? They are born into the right families, the wealthy neighborhoods, they get into the best schools, have the best clothes, and they still find away to throw their lives away. They never seem to understand just what they have. And, of course, the opposite is true as well. Often, the people who are born into poor obscurity seem to tackle overwhelming odds and rise to the top of their dreams.

What is it that makes these two scenarios happen? Perhaps it's not about the opportunities we're born into. Maybe it's something we decide. Maybe God has given us the resources, the mental capacity, and the dreams to realize something big that lives inside of us. And maybe it's deciding that nothing is impossible that we're able to realize that we each shape our own destinies.

I hope Gary's final days were peaceful. I really do. I hope that after taking it all in, he was able to see the blessed life he had led and find gratitude. And I hope that others can take note of the lesson that seems to hide underneath it all. We can learn from Gary Coleman. We can be grateful of the opportunities that we have, that we've had, and for the adventure that awaits all who are ready to pursue it.